Friends with Scars
by EnthusiasticSloth
Summary: Marlene and Sirius are close friends and growing closer by the minute. Sirius is a little bit of an emotional train wreck. Marlene makes it a priority to make sure he knows she cares about him and that he isn't alone. H/C with Mutual Pining while in a FWB arrangement. Set in 1980. Fairly Smutty.
1. Chapter 1

Sirius unthinkingly brought Marlene back to his flat to continue some work on concealment charms. Those were quite important for The Order and she wasn't a natural with them. That was fine. No one was a natural with everything. He just didn't feel like staying at the damned HQ all night and figured he could at least sit down on his own sofa and have a drink while she went over the spells.

It was dumb. He shouldn't have done it.

He hadn't thought she'd be that… bold. She was deceptively innocent looking. Tiny with a huge smile. Her skin was a light enough shade of brown to betray the rosy blush that crept up her neck and under her freckles.

He liked her freckles. He'd never really considered freckles a turn on before, but he'd caught himself thinking of Marlene's freckled skin and wondering how far down they went. Were there parts of her with no freckles at all? But then he would halt that thought train. She was fun. They could be friends. Sirius didn't sleep with his friends. It ruined everything.

He shouldn't have invited her over.

He shouldn't have opened the elf berry wine.

Though of course those were normal things he might do with a friend the danger here was that this friend was… attractive. And obviously thought he was too.

Sirius was sort of used to everyone finding him attractive so that hardly factored in. He was really excited that he had a friend who TRUSTED him. Who gave him the benefit of the doubt. He'd not encountered that since James.

Marlene was… a lot prettier than James Potter.

And she was shamelessly trying to make a move on Sirius.

She sat close. Too close. She was familiar with her little touches. He answered in kind rather than backing away. Her hair was really fun to play with, after all.

They weren't really drunk or anything. Maybe just a little silly.

The spellwork had been forgotten less than an hour in, and she was still… there.

Sirius didn't want her to leave. The fact he didn't want her to leave made him anxious. You aren't supposed to sleep with your friends. You aren't supposed to want the people you sleep with to stay over and talk.

But she was funny? They had a lot in common? They laughed at the same things and cared about the same things. She would be a really solid friend.

He found himself wishing she looked like a troll.

 _Imagine a troll when you look at her Sirius. You can do this._

He didn't. He was eating the eye candy. Her legs were draped over him on the couch. She leaned back against one of the sofa arms. It was summer.. so it wasn't… surprising… that she wore cut off denim shorts with her raggedy old shirt from some muggle punk show she never went to. But her legs… sure… were… present.

She was tiny. Not even 5 feet tall. Very thin. If she dressed differently and tried, she could pass as way younger. But as it was she looked her age. She'd only been 2 years behind him in school. Now, the summer after her 7th year she was nearly 18 and beautiful. With bare legs that were most of her height. It wasn't that they were actually long, it was that they were long compared to the rest of her. Her thighs were right there asking to be touched.

 _Why why why why. Stop being so hot you are supposed to be my friend stop._

Another glass of berry wine. Surely that would make his conflict go away.

"So uh… I don't think I can like… apparate home… like this…"

"Right of course. No. I wouldn't want you doing that. Stay here. Don't want you splinched. Dumbledore would have my head if your army of badgers didn't get it first."

"Army of badgers. I like it. I'm calling them that from now on."

They both laughed. Then there was a very loaded silence.

 _Uggghhhh…._

"So… yeah… I guess I can… take the couch… thanks Sirius."

"The sofa's terrible. I wouldn't sleep on it as a dog. Come on." He gestured towards his bedroom. He got up and dragged Marlene up by the hand. So so pretty… whhhyyy was she so pretty.

He wasn't lying. It's just that he also wasn't being entirely… forthcoming. Or honest. With himself either. It was all so much easier to be passive and let the tension live on.

She smiled shyly and sweetly as if she didn't know EXACTLY what she was doing and as if she hadn't been campaigning relentlessly for it all night.

Maybe she didn't really want to be friends. Maybe she didn't like him as much as he liked her and she just thought he'd be a good shag. But… it didn't feel like that? It was hard to say. She didn't seem to have the reservations that he did.

This wasn't a thing that he did. He didn't… really know how it was supposed to go. Because it wasn't supposed to go.

Do not sleep with your friends. Friends are hard to come by and you will fuck it up. That was the second most important boundary he'd set for himself in his attempts to get on with life like a real person who wasn't actually just a burnt up place on an ugly old tapestry full of beautiful but terrible people.

That was second only to the all important Rule Number 1. Don't fall in love. Love is masochistic. You will fuck it up. That one hadn't ever been an issue. Thank Godric.

Sirius was really really likely to fuck things up. He was consistently a fuck up. He wanted to NOT fuck up in these major ways. Because it hurt and he hated it and hated himself when it happened.

 _Fuck_.

He collapsed onto his own bed and pulled Marlene down with him.

Maybe they could just sleep. That would be… not so bad. He'd drunkenly shared a bed with friends before. And that never sent James Potter running for the hills or cursing his name.

He sort of unthinkingly removed his belt and trousers. I mean he had on boxers so… that… was clothing. He wasn't getting naked. People didn't sleep in their belts. Not even when their friends were present. Not even their breathtakingly beautiful friend. Oh Merlin he wanted to touch her.

Cannot. Get. Hard. No. Nope. Think of great aunt Cassiopeia. Think of the Queen. Think of Filch.

Under control.

Marlene had, during his mental recess into the most sexually repulsive parts of his brain, followed suit and rid herself of her shorts. Knickers were… sort of clothes. Ish.

She didn't take off her giant shirt at all but unhooked her bra and pulled it through one of the sleeves.

That was… just fine. Might as well. If they were gonna sleep… be comfortable.

She didn't even really have the figure to need a bra. It wouldn't even be noticeable.

It was noticeable when she hugged him

 _AGHhHbHhH_

"Goodnight Sirius. Thanks. For letting me intrude and everything."

"You aren't intruding. You're my friend. I enjoy your company."

It felt like he was trying to convince himself of these words. Even though they were all true it was still hard. Because they weren't the extent of it.

"Goodnight"

He rolled over, facing away. Started counting down from 500. This would be ok.

* * *

 _I Really? REALLY?_

Sirius Black was definitely asleep. And Marlene McKinnon was definitely extremely sexually frustrated.

There was no reason for this nonsense. He'd given her the eye 6 ways to Sunday. They were getting along quite well and this could be a lot of fun but he was being really strange. And then the whole

"We are friends. I enjoy your company. Goodnight. I am definitely a real human person and not a very convincing doll someone spelled to say these words. Beep. Boop." Thing.

The working theory is that he thought those things were mutually exclusive to a shag.

He didn't sleep with friends of his from time to time? Who did he fuck then? People he found annoying? "Wanted: hot annoying person to shag and then not hang out with"? How would that even work.

He pretty clearly didn't do the whole _romance_ thing. But neither did she since that one attempt that time. Really that was Sirius's fault. Since he didn't notice that she existed and was salivating over him from the Hufflepuff table. She figured she needed to move on to someone else, so her stupid brother and sister would stop taking the piss. That was pathetic and she knew it didn't work for her. Reginald Cattermole and his attempts at _romance_ had been as boring as watching the grass grow. She was _not_ doing that again.

But Sirius was so were really getting along well and she genuinely admired him so much. He was brave and fought for what he believed in even when that meant fighting his own blood family. That took the kind of principles that very few people had. He was an incredible wizard. She really felt lucky she got to know him like this. Ogling him from a distance was much less fun.

Except that ogling him from the same bed while he slept was not very fun either.

 _Uggghhh_

He was really really beautiful.

Of course he was. Strikingly handsome was like the second thing she ever noticed about him after the whole "pureblood aristocrat grows principles and carries on bravely after being disowned" caught her attention. After those two things she noticed that he was kind of a rebel and played fast and loose with the rules. That was a bit sexy. Or more than a bit.

But really. He was a fucking work of art. Asleep he was particularly endearing if she could forget about the whole… being very turned on with nowhere to go… thing.

Her first (and only) boyfriend had been a terrible shag. She only ever got off when she closed her eyes and thought of Sirius… that was before they even properly knew each other thanks to the order...

That was a bit embarrassing even though only she knew about it. She gave that lad the boot and started pursuing more diverting physical relationships. None of them meant anything. It hadn't been any huge number of conquests or anything. They were just… people. Fairly attractive and single with a mutual understanding that they just wanted to get fucked and then go back to being on the wizard chess team together or whatever.

But Sirius was more than any of that. He was really fun? He laughed at her stupid jokes and he was loyal to the core. He might have been a decent Hufflepuff if the overwhelming honor and chivalry hadn't won out. It was all very strange because she hadn't considered it a viable option at all but if HE wanted to be her boyfriend she'd be amenable.

But of course he didn't. At all. Because that wasn't how he did things and she should be thanking every possible deity that she even got to be friends with him. Because he was great.

He'd be more great if he would be a friend who would lend her a hand… between her legs. But. Hey. You can't win them all.

She attempted to sleep.

5 minutes. 10. 12. 19 minutes. Not asleep.

Sirius was still asleep.

This was not happening.

She could go to his bathroom?

That would be weird and conspicuous.

She could just… be very very quiet. He was asleep. And it was his fault anyway. He knew very well how much she wanted him. And he went the fuck to sleep so she had to take matters into her own hands if she was going to get any sleep at all.

He wouldn't like her if she didn't sleep at all. She'd be mean and also ugly. So really… it was best for everyone that she just take care of it.

She turned on her side, facing away from him.

He was for sure asleep. This was going to be fine.

Before she even slid a hand between her thighs she felt Sirius stirring on the other side of the bed.

 _Fuck._

Had she made a noise?

She hasn't meant to make a noise. She thought she was being quiet?

But he was shifting in his sleep. Annnnd he was rolling over. He wrapped an arm around her and drew her into his chest.

Aw. She was the little spoon.

Except no not cool dude. She was going to have the worst fucking day ever tomorrow.

But… he was sweet and he was asleep. He wanted to hold her when he was asleep. That made her heart do a flip.

 _Ahhhh!_

His hand was carelessly draped over the bare skin where her shirt had ridden up.

 _Mmmm_

His hands on her bare skin felt delicious.

She was going to die from persistent arousal. That would be the cause of her untimely demise. Everyone would know. Her family would be so ashamed of their tart sister who couldn't even _succeed_ in being a tart.

 _Calm down Marlene. You can manage. It's ok. Just take tomorrow off. It's OK._

It was definitely not ok.

It was way way not ok when she felt him, standing at full salute, against the back of her thighs.

 _Bloody Hell._

He was for sure asleep. It wasn't his fault things… arose...in his sleep. Didn't that just… happen? She thought it must. Maybe he was dreaming.

Maybe he was dreaming of her…

She made a noise.

She did not mean to make the noise.

But the noise was made.

It was… maybe kind of an anguished groan?

It might not have been a particularly attractive noise. But it was loud. And it woke him up.

Now he was probably going to stop touching her and then she'd feel weird and sad.

 _Oh for fucks sake_.

She took his hand in hers. He gripped back. For sure awake. Ok. This was happening.

She pulled his arm all the way around her, bringing him close. tilted her hips just so and pushed back against him. He was extremely hard and pressing against her bum.

She let out a gasp that much much prettier than the previous… thing.

His hand freed from hers and slid up the inside of her thighs. She was shamefully drenched. He would be able to feel how worked up she got over him. His fingers inched up little by little, as if she needed any more teasing than the whole night had been. When he finally slid her knickers to the side and felt the full extent of her wetness she heard him take a sharp inhalation. Nice. Good. He was pleased with his accomplishments. And probably getting more and more turned on.

He brought her right to the edge with his hand. She hoped this would be a repeat thing because she didn't want it to be over so soon. But she couldn't hold back.

She was coming apart embarrassingly quickly. She may have actually screamed. She hoped his neighbors were deep sleepers. But the scream gave way to lower moans, while euphoria bloomed all over her body. She shook. Actual shaking. Her body was involuntarily shaking from the intensity of the pleasure he just gave her in less than 5 minutes of being awake.

That was… new.

She was a fan.

"Mmmmmm. Your turn." She broke the silence. Or… lack of speaking. There had not been silence. She turned to face him. His eyes OH WOW. Those eyes… stormy grey and intense… hot with desire. Desire FOR HER. That was probably the most beautiful sight she'd ever seen. Top 5 at least.

She realized they hadn't kissed. He'd made her come until she was an amorphous puddle of pleasure and he hadn't kissed her.

Please kiss me. Please?

He kissed the bridge of her nose. That was… not what she'd meant but ok.

Then little kisses across her cheeks.

She got frustrated and caught his lips with hers. She kissed him like she meant it. Aggressive. Tongues. Teeth. Hot.

He let out an "ah" which sounded like actual angels singing.

She slid off her completely drenched knickers and kicked them to the floor.

He followed suit, but his shirt before his boxers. Then he reached to take off her shirt too.

She hadn't really expected him to go the full monty like that but she was pleased with the view. He was marked with several scars, which took Marlene's breath away. He nudged her to lie on her back, which she did.

Hands all over her. Mmmm…

Did he just like to see her desperately needy for him? Or was he into gently caressing the outline of her waist and kissing the delicate skin of her neck for his own sake? This was… different. And amazing.

"Don't. Stop…" she breathed out.

His chest was like a perfect statue of a god. He was right above her and she had an exquisite view. But then she looked into his eyes again.

He looked right into her eyes when he took her. She felt herself getting close again. And never at any point did he look away from her. Gaaaahhh….intensely sexy. She felt her heart doing the thing again where it almost hurt and then she almost couldn't breath but then… not really because it was fantastic.

He hastened the rhythm as she started to lose control. Again. An actual tear may have formed in her eye from this second one. Wwwoooowww

His face was gorgeous when he finished. So so beautiful. Ok that was more than top 5 most beautiful things she'd ever seen. Top 2. At least.

Both of them were gasping and a little shaky when he pulled out and laid down beside her, on his back.

They both stared wide eyed at the ceiling as if it had anything to say about the crazy good sex they'd just had.

They hadn't really… talked?

Were they going to?

Was that even possible?

Did she have the ability to produce words and comprehend the words he might say?

"Wow" she tested it out.

That was a word? Sort of?

"Yeah...wow. Um… so…"

Marlene started laughing. There was literally no holding it back. She had to laugh. And he joined her in the laugher.

"Can we still be friends?" Sirius finally managed to get out.

"Why on earth wouldn't we?"

"Because… I don't… do that. With my friends."

"Well now you do. Because I'm your friend and I sure hope you aren't saying you don't want to do it again ever… because that was incredible. I would be quite mad at you for denying me that. As a friend."

"Well I don't like it when my friends are mad at me. So… yeah. We can make this a habit."

"Good."

It still felt like he was flirting with her. It was a little weird and a little exciting. Generally this would be the part where the lad would tell her he had an early morning or some other line. She'd leave. It would be fine and everyone got their jollies and no one was worried.

But he was still flirting.

As if he hadn't just fucked her into another century.

As if there was some other secret level of fucking that they hadn't achieved.

Well that was stupid. No one could possibly fuck at a higher level of proficiency than he just did. That was a peak dicking. Aces. 30 Points to Gryffindor.

She started laughing out loud at her own stupid thoughts.

"What?"

"You're gonna laugh at me. But I was just mentally awarding 30 points to Gryffindor. And laughing at myself for thinking it because it's ridiculous."

His smile was RADIANT. Was this ok? To still look at him like this? When they were already spent and just.. talking?

Ugh her chest. Stop that you stupid internal organs! Get your act together. This is great. I won't have you bothering me about it.

She'd let him set the rules. She would have said yes to just about anything on earth if he asked for it and smiled like that.

(She thought of several scenarios in rapid succession. "Wear this giant squid costume Marlene." "Let me call you Helga and you call me Godric" "Marry me." "Let's move to Peru" all of them were a bit far fetched but she'd be loathe to turn him down if he was gonna smile at her like that.)

Top 3 most beautiful things she'd ever seen.

 _Stop it Marlene. Stop_.

"Maybe I can apparate home now. I um… I'm definitely sober."

"If you want. But you can stay. I… don't mind. Like I said earlier. We're friends and I enjoy your company."

"You sound like a weird alien." She laughed and grabbed her tee shirt.

"You'll have to forgive me for that. Noble and Most Ancient House of Black and all…"

"Ugh. Fine. I guess I'll forgive your genetics. At least they didn't disappoint in the looks department."

"Oh really?" He winked at her, knowing exactly how charming he was and using it to his full advantage.

"You are making fun of me and I was meant to be making fun of you. Stop. Can I steal some of your pants?"

"Uh…ok?"

"I didn't mean to keep as a party favor. I meant to wear because I'm going to sleep and don't want to do so with a bare arse."

"Oh. Right. Ha. Because your knickers are NOT an option." His smug smirk was infuriating. Infuriatingly sexy.

"Sod off. But also go get me some pants."

She cursed her stupid heart again just before he threw a pair of boxer shorts at her. They were huge on her but it'd have to do.

"Goodnight Sirius. For real this time."

"Goodnight Marlene."

He budged up only a little and kissed her lips for just a flash of a second.

"Are we doing that?"

"I don't know. I guess. I've never slept with a friend before. You're fucking great. And I don't want to fuck it up. So… we can do goodnight kisses if you want and if not… Uh… then I won't do that anymore."

"It can be a thing. But you don't have to be all… mushy… or anything. I know that's not you. I'm cool with that. It's not me either. But I like goodnight kisses... between friends. I also like sleep. So goodnight."

She kissed him one last time. Sweet and closed mouth. If she just pretended the previous conversation about how they were friends and just friends who also did these other things then it would feel like falling in love.

She was tired and probably delirious from that… those… there were two. And they were both delirium inducing.

She let herself drift off to sleep. Facing Sirius still. Not touching. But near.

* * *

Sirius woke up in an uncommonly cheerful mood. Elated really. It took him several minutes to remember that he was terrified.

This was against the penultimate rule and was encroaching on the big one. That was unacceptable and he would definitely fuck everything up.

Fucking up took a lot of different shapes. But the real kernel of it was that he might be reduced to the little boy crying in the corner because Mother told him how disgusted she was with him. Sobbing. Pathetic and weak. If he couldn't stop that right now and act like the heir of a noble house, then father and his lashing curse would make him regret it for days.

But hey. That wasn't going to happen. Nope nope nope. He was just fine and everything was going to be alright.

Marlene was a great friend and _also_ happened to be a great lay and she very adorably was sleeping beside him because… he liked her. He liked all his friends. And he wasn't especially terrified of scaring off Wormtail or anything.

There would be no lashing curse.

Except maybe to his stupid heart.

He wasn't even sure if he had a real heart. Hearts were for common people. He was a Black.

The hat told him he wasn't a Slytherin. So Gryffindor it was. James Potter seemed like a nice lad. Why not? If he was going to be murdered soon anyway he might as well have a fun time until then.

He didn't get murdered.

Or did he?

This was so stupid.

He was so stupid.

Why was he just staring at her like a creep? Don't be weird Sirius. That is definitely going to fuck things up.

 _She doesn't want you to be mushy. She thinks you're cool and fun and not a shell of a person with a filling made of trauma and maybe a little bit of pudding. She'll fuck off forever if you act like this. Don't. Do. It._

He willed himself to get out of bed and get the kettle on.

"Good morning…" she sighed as she stretched her arms out about her mass of curly hair.

"Good morning to you. Will your army of badgers be miffed that you didn't come in last night?"

"They shouldn't be. It's just my brothers and sister. Now if I brought _you_ there, then they probably wouldn't stop laughing this century. But I'll just go on and get a shower and they aren't going to nose about my business."

"What's the joke they'd be laughing at? I don't understand?"

"Really? I thought surely you knew. I sort of thought I had told you, even. I sort of made a spectacle of myself when I was in 5th year and you were in 7th. I was transparently lusting after you from across the dining hall. It didn't last or anything. I went on about my life but I thought I told you when we started working together."

"Wow. I somehow thought you were joking about the that whole adoring me from afar thing. Oh. Wow. I didn't know. You should have said something. That's several years of top notch shagging that we both missed out on."

"Oh come on. You'd have told me to go back to my badgers."

"I would have? I hope not. I don't know. I was a twat back in school but I doubt I'd have looked at you and told you to go away."

"Because I'm devastatingly attractive with all my hair and freckles? Or because you can't stand saying no to sweet little Hufflepuffs. I was just a blushing virgin at the time. You'd have to show me everything."

She was really putting it on, and it was really working. He'd meant the first thing but the second thing was distractingly hot.

 _Gaaaah_.

On one hand, this was a thing. It was going to be a thing they'd do. He'd need to get comfortable with that and stop letting it poke at the void where his emotions should live. But also it was early and they couldn't just keep at it late and early and whenever. There was work.

"Yeah um… so… if we can maybe return to that whole scenario a bit later… that'd be much appreciated. But I should go get in the shower and so should you. I'll see you at headquarters in a little over an hour?"

"Oh alright fine. See you soon." She rolled her eyes and smiled.

He leaned down and kissed her lips like they'd done before bed last night. That was allowed to be a thing. He could do that. It didn't mean anything more than the affection in any of my other friendships. It was just that Marlene happened to be really kissable and they were going to do that and it was fine because friends could kiss goodbye with a sweetness that was nearly painful. That was perfectly normal and not a problem!

She apparated out in short order. He was alone.

 _I am doomed_.

* * *

Marlene apparated to the front door of the flat she shared with 3 of her 4 siblings. She hoped that they would be out by now. If not maybe they'd just not notice her at all.

She spelled the door open and then crept inside, heading toward the shower.

"Not so fast you dirty dirty harlot. I need the sordid details before you go wash the shame off."

It was her brother Lucan. At least it hadn't been Gawain. Gawain might actually think she should be ashamed on some level for enjoying sex. He was very up tight and irritating.

"I had a thing. It went well. Good time was had by all. Now I'm gonna shower."

"Right those were not details Marls"

"I guess they weren't."

"You need to tell me who it was? You slept over. That's… atypical. If not outright weird."

"You're very nosy brother. But whatever you'd figure it out sooner or later. It's Sirius Black. You know we got assigned together for The Order, right?"

She paused and watched her brother's face cycle through different shocked expressions.

"What. Did you like… stay the night outside his window lurking like a weird obsessive fan? Because that's not good but it is more believable than you going to bed with him like that's a normal thing to do."

"Why can't it be? I think it's going to become a normal thing that I do. We actually get on quite well. We're friends and hang out in the more clothed sort of way too. But I must give credit where credit is due, the wizard can make excellent use of his wand…"

She giggled. That was unacceptable. She was 18 years old and should be well past giggling over Sirius Black. But that's the way things went, apparently.

"Gross. I do not need to hear that from my baby sister."

"Are you not the arseface that was keeping me from showering because you demanded to know how I spent my evening?"

Marlene rolled her eyes. Lucan was not usually one to pull the "too much information" card on her. His actual problem with what he'd heard probably pertained to the wizard that it pertained to, if Marlene's intuition was right.

"Well I didn't expect you to say THAT about HIM."

"He's just a guy."

"He isn't. He was your first crush and you were very silly and cute. You can't erase that. You're going to get hurt Marls."

He did look genuinely concerned. He wasn't _trying_ to be an arseface anymore. He just had a natural gift for it she supposed.

"I'm a grown up now, Lucy. You can't keep me from making my own decisions. I'll be fine. Promise."

"I'll stop worrying about you when you stop calling me Lucy."

"So never?"

"Exactly."

Marlene couldn't help but feel lucky that she had an arseface brother who loved her enough to worry.

* * *

Sirius did not have any qualms busting into the homes of his friends while they were still asleep. This was a good thing because he had a little under an hour and desperately needed to talk this nauseating fear through with someone. Today that someone took the form of one R. J. Lupin, Marauder and advice giver.

"Moooooooony. Mooooooooooooony! MOONY! REMUS JOHN LUPIN wake the fuck up I need you to tell me what to do with my life."

"Merffle?"

"You'll need to do better than that. I need words. In a language. Preferably one I comprehend."

"Piss off Pads. I'm really tired. This mission. It's mostly night work and I am hating it."

"Fuck the mission"

"No I can't. Dumbledore has no one else"

Sirius hated the mission that Remus was assigned with a particular vitriol. It was something he couldn't share with anyone and Remus seemed a mess since it started. But he refused to explain or quit, so there was little that Sirius could do about it.

"Ok whatever then. Get up. I'll make your eggs if you listen to my existential crisis."

"Oh boy. Eggsestential Breakfast! My favorite past time."

"Don't be cruel to me, I'm going all wonky from the conflict of the day. I don't have it in me to stomach puns."

"Well you came to the wrong place. Out with it then. What horror of horrors had occurred? Did someone tell you to get a haircut?"

"...no but that would be awful and let's not think about that… it's about a witch."

"A witch. When you say that I'm assuming you mean a young pretty one and not Madame Pomfrey or someone else who could fit under that excessively broad term."

"You'd be correct Moony my boy. It's a very young very pretty witch. She's great. We've been thrown together for The Order right after she enlisted last month. We're getting on like lightning and she stayed the night last night. It's horrible Remus. Horrible."

"I'm missing some crucial piece of information here. Because all of that sound like you had a nice time?"

"Well yeah. But I'm not supposed to sleep with friends and I'm REALLY not supposed to fall for friends who I am sleeping with."

Remus cringed. Sirius could see the thoughts forming behind his eyes. Good. He'd come here for those thoughts.

"Ah. That."

"Yeah. That."

"You're getting a bit old for the 'I'm a rebel, I don't have time for a girlfriend' schtick you know."

"I am not getting old! And it's not like that. It's that I'm absolutely sure I'll fuck everything up and be a mess over it."

"I know that Pads. I know you. I know the annoying front you put up and I know why. Remember? We've been mates for 9 years? You learned how to turn yourself into a dog so I wouldn't have to be alone during my transitions?"

"Yeah. I recall. Something like that anyway."

"So I'm telling you, as your friend who knows you, that maybe you'll fuck it all up, but maybe she'll decide you're worth forgiving."

"That was you. Not everyone is going to be you. And I still fucked up. And I still hate myself over it all the time."

"You should stop that. I'm sure your new girlfriend would prefer you didn't."

He flinched at Remus's word choice. If only things could be that simple. It seemed like he was doomed to live a life where nothing was simple.

"She doesn't even want that. She said she's not for romance."

"Well I guess you have to take her at her word. Do you want to keep her as a friend? A friend who you sleep with? Are you going to be ok with that?"

"I'm in no way ok. I'm the opposite of ok. I'm losing my mind. I would lose my mind even more if I lost her as a friend. I'm really sick over it Moony. I hate disappointing people that I care about."

"You could go live in a cave and be a hermit but you don't. Why?"

This seemed like some sort of philosophical question. Annoying. But it was Moony. That's how he worked.

"Because… people? I have friends? You're one? Didn't you just say that?"

"Right because you care about people. Every person you care about has the capacity to be disappointed with something you did. All of us. It's not just about what happened with us and the Willow and that bloody arsehole Snape. It's about how having any friends at all is a risk you take. When you're like you are."

Sirius winced at the mention of the Willow incident. It had all been blurted out in anger and then it was too late to stop. He had been reckless and reactive when Snape made some jab, and it could have made one of his best friends into a murderer. Thinking about it was still sickening. He almost wished Remus would have gotten angrier.

Sirius was a bit baffled that he'd acquired such _good_ people in his life, despite being a massive fuck up.

"Like I am? So a fuck up?"

"No. You're someone who survived a really gross upbringing and you're trying to dig yourself out. You like people to think you're very tough and uncaring but it's not true at all and your friends know that. You're like glass sometimes. It's worrisome. But we stick around because we think you're worth it. It's not as if you turn into a dark creature regularly or anything." Remus rolled his eyes.

"Your secret is that you wanted to be some sort of philosopher but there were no openings for that so you subject me to all those words."

"Caught me. But do you understand my point? About the girl?"

"I really wasn't sure you had one. You just enjoy the sound of your own voice. That's fair. You have a lovely tenor Moony."

"Fuck off. I have a point and it's a good one! This girl isn't any different than anyone else you let yourself care about. It isn't like she unlocks some sort of ultimate weapon against you with her vagina."

"You just used the medical terminology for a fanny and I would like to leave this earth now. I'm done. Done."

Remus sighed out a laugh at his friend's over dramatic gesture of disapproval.

"I suppose that was a bit graphic, but just because you care about her at a different angle than you care and James or me or anyone, doesn't mean she's a more substantial risk or that she'll suddenly going to turn into your mother."

"Ouch."

"The truth hurts. Doesn't it padfoot?"

"I guess. But you're a total windbag."

"Fair. Are you going to keep sleeping with her? That might be ill advised if you want more out of it than she does. But you're a grown wizard and I'm not your mother either."

"You've mothered me a lot more than Walburga, that's for sure. I'll probably keep sleeping with her. It's really too good to pass up…"

"Did I need to know that? Really Padfoot?"

"You're the one who inquired. Eat your eggs. They're just like you like them."

"Questioning the purpose of their egg-sistence?"

"Fuck off. Or actually I'm gonna fuck off. I have work."

"Good luck Sirius."

Sirius was glad he'd talked with his friend. None of his problems were magically solved but he was very lucky to have friends that he could depend on. He liked that he could add Marlene's name to that very short list.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey umm… I dunno if you've got plans later or anything but I was totally kidding about my siblings making my flat off limits. You're welcome to come over. You know at least a couple of them passing well, right?"

Marlene felt a little awkward about asking him to hang out. It might have come off as clingy or desperate. They had been spending pretty much all their time together already, but it wasn't as easy to ask now, less than 24 hours since he'd shagged her into another dimension.

"Grace was in my year. I never got to know her very well but she seems like a lovely person? Too much of a rule follower to deal with the likes of me. She may have taken house points from me that one time?"

Marlene laughed. Grace had taken house points from her a time or five as well.

"Well I gave them back. Because you're a stellar shag. And I've never cared much for rules anyway. She's my sister and I love her but she's so fucking perfect all the time I want to shake her."

"She's not. You're my favorite Mckinnon by far."

"Right. Because we're friends. But she's smarter, kinder, harder working, prettier, and an all round better Mckinnon than I am."

"Well you lost me hard at prettier because that just isn't true."

"You're trying to get into my knickers and I am just gonna tell you that you don't have to try. We already established that. You don't need to lie to me. I have eyeballs. Functional ones! Grace is beautiful and perfect and I'm… quirky. Or whatever."

Marlene didn't think she was unattractive or anything. It wasn't an issue of actually considering herself to be ugly, it was just that she was not as conventional looking as her sister, who was taller without all the freckles, and had more classic features rather than an overly expressive face that was more cute than it was beautiful.

"I wasn't lying you know. I do think you're very pretty. I really like your freckles. I never gave Grace a second glance. She's a little boring. Is that mean?"

"No. It's true. And hilarious. And maybe a tiny bit mean. But you make up for it by the part where you tell me I'm pretty."

"You want me to go over and hang out with your badger army? Tonight? Really?"

"I do, actually. It'll be fun. Lucan is from the year between us and he's always taking the piss out of me but he's a good egg. Gawain is the eldest boy and he's kind of a pratt but he's ours."

"Right I remember Lucan I think."

"And yet you didn't ever notice me, the one who was undressing you with her eyes for a whole term?"

"You should have undressed me with something other than your eyes. I would have noticed then."

"With my teeth?"

"Hmm… I thought about it and at first that seemed kinda sexy but then it just seemed awkward or maybe a little terrifying. Like a Hagrid animal who rips at clothes with teeth. Awful. Don't do that."

"Fair point my friend. Hagrid never once showed up with anything remotely sexy."

She laughed. She was glad they could still joke with each other. This was nice.

"Did your year have students falling all over themselves for the centaurs?" He asked.

"Yes. I know right? Gross. I can't get over the fact they have 6 limbs. 6. Like a bug."

It had genuinely always perplexed Marlene that their anatomy was like that. Never mind the particulars of those girls misconceptions about what a physical relationship with a centaur might entail...

"I will never be able to think of anything else when I see one now. You're awful."

His easy smile was so unbelievably charming. She was falling fast. This was going to be difficult to contain. But it was also very enjoyable...

"But I'm very pretty still?"

"Shut up."

"Make me."

He kissed her quickly, pulling away before anyone could catch them flirting up a storm in the workplace.

* * *

Sirius charmed pants off the Badger army. They were going to be as smitten as Marlene soon.

"They're great Marlene. I really… actually enjoyed them. Who knew Hufflepuff was where all the nice people were hiding?"

"Literally everyone knew that."

"Ok fine. I'm a bit slow on that one. Are they ok with this? Like you… bringing me into your room… for obvious reasons?"

"They're my brothers and sister not my jailers. They don't get a say. And they know me. They know we're friends."

"Ah. So this is the sort of thing you do a lot then?"

"When you put it like that I feel like a slag."

"That isn't what I meant. At all. I just… I guess I was curious if you have other friends whom you shag on occasion?"

Marlene couldn't tell if he was inquiring because of jealousy or because he didn't want to be the only friend with those privileges. She couldn't very well lie to him in either case. But what reason would he have to be jealous?

"I have in the past sort of, but currently no."

"Sort of? Currently no?"

"Yes those were some of the words which I uttered. Sort of as in I had a boy or three in school who I was on good terms with and sometimes shagged, but they weren't really close friends. And currently no as in, currently no? No one since I left school, present company excluded. If that's weird then I guess I could go find more men willing to shag me? I don't want you think I'm too needy or something. I didn't mean to be… I'm sorry."

She was getting nervous and rambling. She had a tendency to do that. She knew Sirius Black didn't do commitment and she wished they could just avoid the topic. It was a little painful.

"No. I'm sorry. Fuck. I'm really terrible at… a lot of things. I didn't mean any of those things and it's not important and I'm sorry."

"It's alright. You're good at a lot of things too. So I'll forgive you. Your protego is fucking impeccable, for instance."

"Ah yes. You hang out with me for my protego. I should have known."

"Hey it's a valid reason! I know I'm not gonna get hexed when you're in my immediate vicinity!"

"Unless I'm the one doing the hexing."

"You wouldn't though."

He stepped in closer to her and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. She thought it was really sweet when he did things like that. A little… too sweet. Why was he so sweet?

Friends didn't act like that to each other unless they were friends who clearly needed to have a talk about their feelings, and fucking is different from tucking curls in place and caressing faces.

This didn't seem right.

He wasn't the type to have girlfriends. It was quite well known and talked about even back at Hogwarts. A lot of girls wanted the position and he was not accepting applicants. He was never the least bit interested in that sort of thing. And apparently he wasn't even friends with the random girls who dragged him off to broom cupboards.

Yet he was standing in front of her staring into her eyes like he was a lost puppy.

Didn't he say he wanted to be friends? He wouldn't have said that if he had wanted it to be a romantic thing. Right? She had to just take him at his word and feel confused. And a little sad that his actions couldn't be taken at face value. Because it would have been HEAVEN to have him doing sweet little touches because of… the usual reason. Love. It was unfortunate that they weren't cut out for that. Marlene figured she'd probably get some cats and get old and think back on the phenomenal dicking she got when she was 18 and smile. That wasn't a terrible future.

"So… Um…remember what I was telling you before you shooed me off this morning?"

"Vividly"

"You want to hear more about that?"

"Uh huh." Desire was written all over his face. This was great. She really enjoyed being able to do that to him. What a treat.

"So as I said, I only had eyes for you when you were in 7th and I was in 5th. I'd only ever had playground kisses. I was very naive… but I saw you. Mmmm"

She ran her hands under his tee shirt and over his annoyingly beautiful chest musculature. Off with that then.

Standing at full heights she reached only about mid-chest on him. Her mouth was careful in its slow attentions to his chest and abdomen. Her tongue enticing him a little bit at a time.

"So this sweet innocent little Hufflepuff got an eye full of Sirius Black and… you felt unfamiliar stirrings? Or is that overstating the innocence and the sexy powers I possess from across the dining hall?"

"No you got it in one. Before that I had little crushes on heroes from books but I didn't get lightheaded thinking about what their bare arms looked like after Quiddich matches"

"Arms? They look like arms?"

"They look like the key to my sexual awakening. Perfectly sculpted lean muscles. Nnnnmnf. It'd be fun if you picked me up. I know you easily could. I'm not quite 7 stone and you are very strong and tall… And I'd really like to be carried away in these arms…."

"You'd really like that? I was afraid you'd think I was an arse or I was treating you like a kid."

Did that imply that he'd thought about it? It sure sounded like it. That was surprising...

"So you'll do it? It isn't weird?"

"Fuck no, it's not weird. It's very sexy. You're so… little. I can just take you in my arms and protect you with my stellar protego."

Before she could come up with a clever reply he'd scooped her up. Like she weighed nothing. Sweet Morgana what a feeling. She could have cried.

It was getting a little hard not to cry.

She wanted it to be real.

It felt real to Marlene. This... role play... or whatever it was that he was into was getting a little too emotionally charged for her. She needed to bring it back around to the naughty parts. She gathered her resolve after he brought her to bed and laid down beside her. He was undoing his own belt. Good. Fuck clothing. She rid herself of the little dress she'd been wearing. She'd gone braless for that one anyway so it was just knickers now.

"So the sweet little virgin that you didn't notice was staring at you crawled into her bed at night, closed the curtain, and thought about you."

His reaction was just what she wanted. Back to looking at her with ravenous hunger rather than… whatever that was before. The scorching heat of of his gaze on her was something she could understand. It was real and it made sense and she knew how to proceed with it.

"I was really missing out. Do you want to show me how you touched yourself? Did you whisper my name into your pillow and feel like a very bad girl after? I wish I'd been there the help."

"Mmmhmmm. We'll you're here now. Why touch myself when you could do it for me? Why don't I show you what I thought of instead?"

He bit down on his lip while he nodded yes. He might not have even done it on purpose but it drew her attention to his luscious mouth. Ripe and bitten and not currently on her body. She needed to fix that.

She nudged him to lie on his back and then straddled him. She ran her hands over his chest while she brought her mouth down to meet his. Slow and sultry. The sort of kiss that's downright carnal. Not the kind of sweet kiss that might make her cry if she thought about. She couldn't really have that.

She could really have this. His tongue grazing over her lower lip. Then his mouth down her neck and shoulder. Hot. Erotic.

"Yes…"

She hadn't meant to say that it just came out.

"Did you think about me often back then?"

"Mmm as often as I could get away with."

"But you were as pure as un-driven snow. I'm sure you couldn't have thought of anything very naughty."

"I'm pretty creative. And I'd heard stories."

"You heard stories? About naughty things?"

"Mmm. Yep. Specific naughty things that you were rumored to be quite gifted at. But I find that you're gifted in more than one arena… based on my personal experience so far…"

"Ah. Right. The Aussie Kiss. That was genuinely just because I was the only boy in my year doing it at all. I'm sure it wasn't all that impressive."

"Well at least you're interested in showing a lady a nice time… I suppose a lot of those wankers were not."

"I suppose you're right. But I missed out on this one particular lady. I'd like to make up for it. Now. If you'd like?"

"I'd like to be less selfish but I can't say no to an offer like that. Fuuuuuck."

"You aren't being selfish. I am going to thoroughly enjoy it. I might enjoy it more if you say my name…."

He kissed his way down her body quickly and guided her knees apart. By the look on his face he was actually into this. Wow.

He started on her inner thigh with his mouth and slowly worked his way up with little bites and slow lush kisses.

Soon he was single minded in his task. His tongue was hot and wet and flush against her. She'd felt a lot of things before but not quite like that...that had to be some sort of subtle spell he did or something. How?

A guttural moan escaped her before she could hold back and his reaction was like a dream… he was famished and her pleasure was the only thing that could fill him. That was how it looked. That was how it felt.

Why? Did he get off on being a generous and giving lover? It seemed like he might. On one hand… lucky her… on the other hand… She was just his friend who was doing this with him because they were both hot for each other and why not. It didn't mean he loved her. She wasn't special. He'd probably done this to loads of girls.

She pushed the thought from her mind. She let herself melt into the sensation. Good Godric he was amazing at this.

"Sirius…"

He wasn't lying. He did like it when she called out his name. Nice. Better than the time she called it out and it wasn't him.

Better in a lot of ways.

He'd coaxed her up to the a state of bliss that they both knew would culminate shortly if he wanted it to.

But he swirled and teased and gave just enough to keep her there panting and gasping but never quite reaching release.

"Sirius. Mmm… Sirius…"

His name came out in whimpers and sobs. She was nearly begging for him to let her finish. He was really really enjoying tormenting her with this edging. It was evident.

He was relentless. Keeping her at the brink as long as possible. She hadn't even been aware this was possible. She was in a frenzy from staying this close this long. She backed herself away and tried to form words.

"Fuck me? Now? Please?"

"Well since you asked nicely and all…"

When he met her eye to eye he looked so intense. He averted his eyes quickly and turned her over onto her stomach and entered her from behind.

"Sirius" She breathed out again, this time low and quiet.

She felt like she was getting dizzy. Or floating above the world for a minute. Her mind went blank. Everything wrong with the world was gone. Just pure blinding white light and ecstasy. Then her body was trembling and sinking into a satisfied final surrender.

He started to lose control soon after, kissing the back of her neck and shoulders as he finished.

She wasn't sure where she was or who she was or why she was for at least a minute. Someday she would remember that time she got fucked so thoroughly that she forgot the nature of her own existence.

Her breathing was slowing and deeping and Sirius looked at her with that scorching hot satisfied smirk.

"Yeah yeah. You look really pleased with yourself."

"You look really pleased with me too."

"A bit...maybe" she smiled.

He started to look around nervously, anywhere but her. He was clearly avoiding eye contact. Marlene wondered what had happened.

"I think I better go…" he mumbled.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No. Not at all. I just… gotta go. I have… issues. Marlene you have to know that. We spend all day every day together and you must know. I'm a fuck up. The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black…"

He looked off into space. He was hurting. He was just as attractive as he was 2 minutes ago but… he was hurting and she just wanted to reach out and comfort him. She wished that she knew how.

"They hurt you a lot. I'm sorry. You… didn't deserve that."

"What if I did though? I'm not… like you. I'm not a good person. Not really. I'm just going to ruin you. I shouldn't have let myself get so close I'm sorry. I have to go."

* * *

What mess.

Poor Marlene.

He'd just left. Abruptly. Not 10 minutes after reducing her to crying out his name in gorgeous release.

He didn't deserve that.

Not from her.

Not from someone like her.

He was quite proficient with his tongue, that was true. He liked being good at something. He liked the reaction it got. He liked the reputation it brought him. Or he had… now he couldn't imagine wanting anyone else.

She… wasn't just passing through. She was bloody perfect and he was rapidly falling arse over elbow.

He couldn't just treat the whole thing like it was the same as with anyone else.

It wasn't. He'd never looked into someone's eyes like he had last night. He never had the urge to look away. Those gorgeous dark brown doe eyes were as big a factor as her beautiful mouth and her soft brown skin. Her eyes…

He could have just looked in them and got lost.

Then he didn't think he could do it anymore. He couldn't put up a wall and he let his feelings become so obvious that it made her uncomfortable. She was bound to have noticed that he'd avoided eye contact just then.

She didn't need his crap and she didn't even want him like that. She made it pretty clear she wasn't into romance or mush. They were supposed to be… friends? It didn't feel like any friendship he'd ever had.

It was a mistake.

He thought because she was incredible and he was falling in love with her that it would be ok to give her just the parts she wanted.

But he couldn't hold back the stupid ugly parts. And she didn't need that. She deserved better than that.

He wished he could cut out the horror show from inside himself.

Who would he even be? If all the childhood trauma was gone who would he be?

He had no idea.

There was nothing before it. There can be nothing after it. He should have just died. He should have burned out of existence like the stupid tapestry.

The smell. Burning. He could smell it now even though it wasn't there. How was his mind able to do that? And why? Why would it put a smell together but not put any semblance of a real person together?

Burning fabric. Burning skin.

Numb.

There was no feeling on that spot where his mother's final curse had hit him. All the feeling burned away. Hand raised to shoulder instinctively. The burn scar was just between his clavicle and his shoulder joint. Yes it was still there. Yes this was still his life. No it hadn't gone away. None of it was a dream.

Fuck.

This is why he shouldn't get close to people. He should just fuck off somewhere and say ominous things to no one in particular until he withered away. Because letting himself get close means watching himself burn it down.

Burn.

* * *

What the fuck?

What the FUCK was that?

Before she could even gather herself up from the puddle of bliss he'd left her in he started mumbling about his family and issues and ruining her?

What?

His family was a right piece of work. That why Marlene admired him so much. Because he came from that and defied it.

He was hurting. Those people hurt him.

He probably had 10 million hangups that she never even thought of.

Maybe he was abused in ways other than being disowned.

It didn't… seem like a far fetched theory. Given what she knew about the Blacks. Bellatrix threw cruciatus curses like they were bird seed. It was horrifying.

Oh god why was she so self involved she never saw it? Was she that preoccupied with how hot he was that she missed that he was struggling? She felt disgusted with herself.

She didn't feel like a friend at all. She felt like a failure as a friend and as a Hufflepuff. But as someone who aimed to be a model of both those things she knew she had to set it right.

Sirius didn't need a shag. He needed someone to listen. He needed to know that he wasn't alone.

And maybe that would be better anyway.

It was never going to be what Marlene really longed for deep down. He probably wasn't capable of that at all. And it probably had nothing at all to do with being a rebel who didn't want to settle down and liked his freedom.

What was any of this real? She felt so overwhelmed by it all.

He needed someone to care about him. Someone who didn't just want a thorough dicking and a laugh.

Luckily, Marlene was already there. Her heart had tried to tell her. Now she could let it.

She couldn't be too disappointed that this would mean no more fucking. She'd had the best sex of her life and that counts as a win. She didn't need anything from him. She just wanted to show him some kindness.

* * *

The hazard of getting involved with your Order assigned partner is that you really do need to see them every day. That's your job. The future of the wizard world depends on it!

She was so beautiful… why? Why couldn't she have been entirely incompatible in some concrete way like James? It was going to be impossible to resist her… he hardly even wanted to, despite the pain.

"Hey."

"...Hey. I'm...really sorry. I have.."

She interrupted him.

"Look don't. You don't need to be sorry. I thought about it and I want to be a better friend to you. I should have noticed how much you're hurting. I see it now. And I want to help. You shouldn't have to bear your whole painful history alone. I'm here to listen if you want to talk. I just… need for you to know that I care about you. And I want to be your friend with clothing on."

WHAT. Sirius's Brain was rapidly grasping at words and images and shapes maybe an abstract concept or two. He couldn't…comprehend. What was…happening.

He felt a little far from himself. Sounds got far away. Like everything was in water. It couldn't have been long. He sort of zoned out. It was fine he'd be fine he told himself when he reoriented to the sound of Marlene's voice.

"Sirius? Sirius? You should sit down. You look ill."

He nodded wordlessly and sat at his chair by the plain wooden desk.

He hadn't yet focused on anything visually and he realized that he must look like a nutter. He blinked himself into pulling it together.

"Yeah… uh… sorry. I just sort of… had a moment… there."

"Can I get you anything?"

"No. I think… I'll manage now."

* * *

"Please stay"

How was she supposed to say no to that? How? Not only was he still Sirius fucking Black, but also he sounded so… sad. How could she leave him like that?

But staying would lead to… things. Or it wouldn't. If she was really really resolved. She had to put on her big girl pants and just stay with this really sad friend. She'd managed to resist the urge to touch him for a week now. This was fine. She could be his friend.

...should you have this horrible ache in your chest over a friend Marlene? Yes. If you have this particular friend and you are Marlene McKinnon then yes. That's just part of it. Get it together and be someone who you'd be proud to call a Hufflepuff.

"I won't leave you if you don't want to be alone. I can stay if you'd like me to. I'm just not gonna get in bed with you. You're distractingly sexy and I don't feel like being distracted. There are more important things."

"You just managed to tell me that I'm sexy in the same sentence you shot me down. I'd be upset but I'm sort impressed that could be achieved. Top notch rejection McKinnon. 5 Points to Hufflepuff?"

"You're ridiculous. And rejection is a whole different thing. Go talk to Reginald Cattermole if you want to hear about how I do rejection."

"That poor idiot you vomited on?"

"I did not vomit ON him. I just… had to run off very abruptly to vomit elsewhere and then yelled from the distance that this wasn't working out."

"You could have just vomited on him and you could have skipped having to tell him anything."

"Right. Yes. Because you totally would prefer vomiting on another person rather than using words to communicate. Very characteristic of you."

"Vomit is nicer than some of the words one hears anyway."

"Where does one hear these words?"

"When did one become so inquisitive?"

"Oh shut it. You know very well. I have to ask because you'll never tell anyone anything that they don't ask and even if I do ask there's still a very good chance you'll deflect. And I want to know about you Sirius. How is that hard to understand?"

"Why?"

"Because I want to understand. If I understand then maybe I can start to help. Or at least not be an oblivious idiot."

"You want to understand why I'm… a fuck up?"

"You aren't a fuck up. But I do want to understand why you think that you are."

"You're unfailingly kind and good and you just don't give up, even though you really really should. I'm a ticking time bomb. Maybe I'll really hurt someone one day. I'm sure I could. If I felt it necessary."

"And when would you find it necessary to hurt someone?"

"I guess if they were an immediate threat obviously. But also if they hurt the people I love."

"I'm not going to tell you hypothetically avenging your friends is entirely ok, but it hardly makes you a ticking time bomb."

"But the thing is, other people just say it. They might even really think that they could cast an unforgivable if they were in that position. But they wouldn't. I would. It's just as much part of me as my eye color. That's what the Blacks do."

"The Blacks. Your mother and father in particular?"

"No. All of them. Probably the dead ones too, but I have to rely on myth and legend there. But the living ones like to go on and on about how the dead ones would be so so ashamed of this bunch of weak brats. That sort of thing. The Blacks aren't good people. Really."

"You are. You're good person."

"Not really. I'm just like them. I made different choices because I hate it. But I'm like them. My father cast strong protego too. My father could cast a cruciatus as easy as breathing. My father could kill someone with his bare hands if it suited him. And feel nothing. That's who we are. There's just nothingness where there should have been a heart. Or snakes. A lot of the time I picture it as snakes."

"Snakes?"

"Snakes. I just have a defective noodle snake who doesn't want to bother anyone. Still a snake and not a heart."

Marlene had to make a concerted effort not to collapse into laughter at the words 'defective noodle snake'. She gathered her resolve and decided to get on board with that particularly hilarious imagery.

"Noodle snake. Alright then. How is a noodle snake bad?"

"Because it's a snake."

"It's just a little noodle though. You said yourself it doesn't want to bother anyone. I find nothing objectionable about this so called noodle snake just because he's snake shaped."

"Well they don't have legs and that's just suspicious."

He was clearly joking at this point, and fully aware of the ridiculousness of this conversation despite it's fairly weighty subject matter.

"What did a noodle snake ever do to you? Nothing. Because noodles do not harm people." She teased.

"You're really stretching this one."

"You brought it on yourself. You told me you have a noodle snake for a heart and I am not going to let you forget that because noodle snakes are actually very cute. And whatever you think you're capable of you don't hurt people and you make choices that are different. Your choices. That's who you are. You're a good noodle Sirius. ...what did you just make me say?"

She gave in to the impulse to giggle. He still made her feel giggly. It wasn't fair...and it didn't feel like it was going away any time soon. There were worse things in the world, she reminded herself. She cared about him as a friend more than she cared about her stupid inconvenient feelings.

"Nope you decided to say that all on your own. 'You're a good noodle Sirius'... that's probably both the nicest and the weirdest thing anyone's ever said to me. I'm having it cross stitched onto a decorative pillow."

"Well I'm generally against decorative pillows on principle but I think I'd have to give that one a pass since it's a quote from me and all. I've never been quoted on any sort of pillow before."

"Don't give up on your dreams Marlene."

He winked at her jokingly. He was beautiful and smilinging as if it came effortlessly. She knew it didn't. She hoped that maybe some of the ridiculous snake metaphors had been helpful in some sort of way? He perhaps had a point in being snake shaped. Or Black family shaped anyway. The aristocratic elegance he held himself with wasn't going to go away. But it was just superficial. He was actually a very adorable little noodle snake just trying to go about his day. She hoped he really would get it on a pillow.

* * *

Sirius woke up to sounds in his kitchen. His kettle was on. Oh. Marlene. Right.

"Oh hey. I'm… You're… Did we fall asleep on my parlor floor?"

"You fell asleep on your parlor floor. I tried to get you to get up and go to bed. But you wouldn't budge. So I went and slept in your bed. It's a nice bed and it shouldn't be wasted."

It was quite a nice bed. He imagined Marlene sleeping there. He remembered what she looked like sleeping. He needed to stop thinking about it.

"I don't think this has ever happened to me before"

"You've never woken up on the floor? I call bollocks! You've been good and drunk and passed out on many a floor Sirius Black."

She had to have known what he meant and was teasing him. It was actually quite fun that they had that element to their dynamic. He would never want to lose that. Godric, he hoped he wouldn't fuck it up irreparably.

"Fuck off! I meant I don't think I've ever woken up with a girl after a night of not shagging."

"Well we're friends right? I'm sure you've woken up with James Potter many a time after not fucking him."

"Right no, I do not have sex with James Potter"

"So you can wake up with your friend and it's fine. Boom. How do ya want your tea?"

"You're a strange person, Marlene McKinnon."

* * *

She was avoiding him. He felt it in his bones.

In the three weeks since the incident where he left abruptly, she had kept her distance physically. Sometimes to the point of saying out right that she didn't want to. But she never expressly said they were done with that… and neither had he?

Sometimes he felt like it was better if they were. Because he was really no good at staying on this side of the line. She'd figure out he was in love with her and she'd be weird about it and then he'd lose her all together.

It was a real miracle she was still hanging out with him since she started poking around his brain. She wanted to be a good friend and told him he wasn't alone.

Why did she have to make him fall even more in love with her in her effort to be a better friend? She couldn't help it of course. That was just who she was. It was Sirius's own fault he couldn't be… better. He couldn't really give her the casual sexual relationship that she wanted. It was probably better for her that she wasn't in love like he was. He didn't know how to do that anyway and might be even more likely to fuck that up.

But the air between them felt so tense. He still wanted her. Maybe even more now. The memory of her sighing his name wouldn't leave him alone.

It was so strange but he eventually just blurted it out from pure pent up tension.

"Did we drop the "with benefits" part of our friendship? Because I feel like that must be the case and I'm just… checking."

"I thought maybe you needed the friend more than the benefits? I wanted you to know I don't require anything from you. You don't have to fuck me to be my friend. I like you with your clothes on."

"That's… really nice. You're ridiculously nice. Stop."

"I will not stop. I like being nice to you."

"But only with clothes on?"

"Well obviously no. Without clothes was bloody fantastic. But I needed you to know that you mean more to me than that."

"You mean more to me than that too…"

He'd said that in a way that she probably didn't mean it. She'd meant that they were genuinely friends. Like with James. Surely that's what she meant.

"Sirius… I don't think I can sleep with you again. I'll make a mess of everything. I'm not going to be like one of those stupid girls crying because you weren't suddenly in love with them. I'd much prefer that we stay friends. With clothes on."

"You… what?"

"You're going to make me say it directly? You're such a pain in the arse! I'm in grave danger of falling in love with you. I'm sorry. It's dumb. I'm sure I'll get over it."

"I'd much prefer that you didn't."

She looked like she was about to say something but he cut her off with a kiss. Sweet and soft. With every ounce of feeling behind it that he could muster.

When he pulled away, smiling at her like a complete idiot he was sure, she looked like he'd grown 3 extra heads. She made a noise. It wasn't a word but it did communicate shock and confusion. Sirius had to laugh. She was so cute.

"I love you, Marlene. I thought you didn't do that. But if you do then I'm in luck."

There was another noise. She apparently lost her hold on language.

"Do you want to do this? The full monty? A proper couple and everything? You can just nod if you agree because you seem to have forgotten how to speak."

She laughed as she nodded affirmatively.

"Fuck off I can speak. Kind of. I can think of better uses of my mouth though…"

Her mouth was back on his. Hungry with want this time. She kissed her way down his neck, aggressive and passionate.

Mmmm

Her little hands made quick work of his belt and the fastenings on his trousers.

She freed him from his pants before lowering herself down to the floor and licking her beautiful lips. She looked up at him eyes asking for permission.

He nodded, dizzy with desire.

Her soft lips wrapped around him and tongue swirling circles sent a rush of pleasure all throughout.

Mmm

He could have finished, and quickly, but he preferred to finish with her. Her sweet voice Moaning his name was extremely gratifying. He wanted to make her shake like she had that first night.

"Stop. I want to finish together."

"Was I doing a good job?"

He made a noise somewhat reminiscent of the one Marlene had made earlier.

"Alright then."

Without further ado her knickers hit the floor and her dress met seconds later. Sirius stood up and made haste in removing his own remaining clothing. She nudged him to sit back down where he had been on the sofa.

She straddled him and lowered herself down, taking him inside little by little. She was so ready. Gorgeous. Her pleasure showed all over her face as she rocked her hips into him.

"Sirius"

Her voice was quiet and breathy… and the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard.

That set him over the edge. She was right there with him. Losing her rhythm and holding on around his shoulders tightly as she shivered.

* * *

"What sort of cake do you want for your birthday party on Saturday? I'm passing decent at baking and I could probably manage any number of things so your wish is my command."

"Hmmm… I think I'd like German chocolate."

"A good choice! Shall I get 21 candles or is that a fire hazard?"

Sirius cringed. He always had a flinch reaction to the thought of fire or burning. It was part of him. He didn't want to talk about it but he knew Marlene would want to understand. So he'd do his best.

"I think no candles would be better. I have sort of a... thing… about burning. I can't stand the smell and sometimes it might set off an episode like you've seen me have when I get overwhelmed. It's better if we just avoid it, alright?"

"Of course. I'm so sorry I wouldn't have joked about it if I'd known…"

"You didn't know. Now you do. It's ok."

"Do you want to tell me why?"

"Not really… but I will anyway."

He took a deep breath and she nodded encouraging him to speak.

"You know my mum burnt me off the family tree, right? I told you that much, I think. Well…that wasn't all she did in her anger the day I left her house for good."

He unbuttoned his shirt to show the scar that Marlene had surely noticed before. It wasn't his only scar. Most of them had been acquired in youthful misadventures. The fresher ones came from more serious scuffles with Death Eaters. This one wouldn't have stood out. Except that it did stand out to him.

"This is the mark she left on me. She used a fire spell of her own creation. Something like a fiendfyre but not as powerful or expansive. Dark magic was always around in my childhood home. The wound was impossible to heal all the way. The best we could do was to stop the pain. I can't feel anything there anymore."

Marlene brought her hand up to touch the uneven skin at the front of his shoulder.

"You're a very brave wizard. I know I tell you that all the time but it's true."

She kissed the deep scar, where her hand had been a moment ago.

"You should do that some more but in places I can feel it." He smirked.

"Gladly. How about this one?"

Her delicate fingers lightly traced a six inch diagonal scar on the right side of his chest.

"I can feel that, yes. That one's quite new. A stand off with some Death Eaters a couple of months before you joined. My cousin Bella wouldn't leave me without a momento."

"She's really horrible. And insane to boot. Was she always like that?"

"More or less." Sirius shrugged.

"Well since the scar isn't going anywhere is it alright if I tell you I think it suits you?"

He inhaled sharply as her mouth paid loving attentions all along the scar.

"This one is quite sexy as well."

She touched a longer, older scar, inches above his hip bone. Her mouth traced kisses over it.

"Well it's much less so when you find out where I got it. That's from 3rd year when James dared me to go insult the Whomping Willow. I was too embarrassed to see Madame Pomfrey and just left it be."

She laughed and then kissed his lips very sweetly.

"I have more I could show you…" he tried to feign an innocent look but the words were dripping with innuendo.

"Carry me to bed and I'll be glad to hear all about them."

He scooped her up in his arms and kissed her hair on the way up.

"I love you, Sirius. All of you. You know that? Scars included."


End file.
